Time Fly's Quickly

It has been almost three months since the last time I've blogged. I am now 21 years old and sooo much has already happen in this short amount of time from October 28th. I would have to say my life has had a big obstacle when my g-mo (grandmother) was going through her sickness. There can never be enough words to express how much i miss her and how i wish she was here with me right this second. It seems like yesterday i was just talking to her and laughing at something funny she would say. During the month of September things really got bad... everything started going extremely downhill with her sickness. Everyday i felt like i could have a breakdown because my life , my family and my everything was falling apart. It was hard trying to live and pretend that i could go on with life, as i was watching my grandmother slip away. I know i try to put up a force-shield to block everything out but for only so long i can hold everything in. I just know one day I'm gonna break!!! Its weird it seems like i would have fallen apart by now, but the thing is i haven't, like my life is in fast-forward and i cant stop it, if i fall now will i be able to get back up!? I wish i could just cry now while I'm pouring out my deepest emotions i wish i could break down and cry now!!! But for some reason i feel sooo empty inside i have nothing to give but it hurts and i cant describe it. I wish i could take time back because it fly's by to quickly and i would take it by my hands and hold it tightly and never let it go, then that way i could be able to spend more time with my love ones. Everyday i think about her, i dream about her, i want to talk to her but i don't think that can happen. I'm scared that i will forget her, what she looks like, her smell and beautiful smile.  I still remember for now, but I'm scared that as time goes by and my life goes on will i forget her?

Love you g-mo,

Charman